he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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