I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
