Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have feelings that need drinking.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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