I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize