I just pynch a tree in the face
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
