I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
