I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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