The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
