I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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