Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
