He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dick very happy bro
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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