dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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