so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
