I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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