before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
