Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
