"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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