Where are you?
In a non slutty way
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize