that's an acceptable place to lick
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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