Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
