like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
