We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
