apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
