i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
