I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
