I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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