I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
