peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Randomize
