they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
