I think I died a long time ago.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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