I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
These tits shall not be calmed
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
