Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My first STD was from a foam party
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
can u get pink eye on your cock?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
