I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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