Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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