New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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