Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
