i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
