Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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