by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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