Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
