dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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