Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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