i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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