The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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