Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
