Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize