I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
