It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
