Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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