At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
