he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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