tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
