I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
