So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
