The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
