I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
