I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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