Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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