I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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