this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
