She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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