Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Mom said you looked used
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
