what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
