Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
