You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
