Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
okay pat passed out under dana's car
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
