He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I will pee on everything he values.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Randomize
