White coat. Heels.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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