Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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