sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
