Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
