it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize