i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
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